I flew back to Colorado yesterday flight from Milan to Frankfurt to Denver. It was a long day and I tried to stay awake somewhat late so I wouldn’t wake up at 4 in the morning. I with my mom last night. My younger brother is on christmas break so today we went bust out a couple holga 35mm cameras and took some pictures. I made an okay portrait of him but all in all I would say he made some nicer photographs.
The rest are pictures he made;
Claudia called me at about 2:30 this afternoon and said “We are going…but we don’t know where…you want to come?” I said “Sure” “Okay” Claudia said “We are out in front.” I said “Okay, I’ll be right there” I still had my pajamas on and was eating lunch. I was not ready at all. I put on my jeans grabbed my scarf and gloves but forgot to bring an extra layer it had snowed that night and early in the morning. We ended up going way up into the mountains to a town that puts on this kind of living museum displaying “traditional” Italian ways of life. I made a few pictures but we went through the whole thing pretty quick and I feel like I missed more pictures than I made it was all kind of overwhelming and had to try and keep up with Claudia, Le Le and Davide. It was one of those things that if you live here you don’t think about how cool this is but me being a visitor I was completely in awe of everything. How many times will I be at this village? Most likely this was my one opportunity my single chance to try and make some sort of memorable image that will resonate with viewers. I learned from this experience that I need to stay true to my vision I look at a lot of blogs a lot of websites but at what point do I become over saturated and lose my own eye that makes me unique it takes editing but also acceptance of how I shoot and what I choose to shoot. Everyday I realize more and more I am who I am I see what I see and I show what I show wrong or right good or bad it defines my existence as an a artist and as a photographer.
Feeling a bit nostalgic today and found this photo of me enjoying my brand new Christmas box, who needs presents when you have a box to chill in.
Christmas Eve Italian style…Le Le and Claudia met me at my house and we went to the cantina with Davide, afterwards we went to midnight mass at the church in Mezzegra followed by a bonfire in front of the church. It is 3:30 a.m. here…it is officially Christmas. I am tired I am a little lonely and somewhat depressed. This is not the first time I have been away from family on Christmas but the first time I have been out of Colorado for the holidays. The service was fine I didn’t understand at all what was going on. The inside of the church is beautiful and it was much warmer than my house which I find odd because the church is huge and I am only trying to heat one little room that I sleep in and eat in and internet in. I return to the states on Monday…four days, I am excited to go back but oh so scared and I have already talked about that. I will miss the friends that I have made here I still speak no Italian but somehow I am able to communicate with my friends that don’t speak english. I have met good people and I know I will not forget this experience. I am so fearful yet so excited I am so tired this is such a ramble at this point…Merry Christmas to those of you who actually read this blog, the five or six of you. Thank you to those of you who have made comments on my blog or have taken the time to stop by every now and then…especially my sister who comments on almost every posting…I love you so much…your comments mean so much more than I could ever express and have made such a difference, my grandma Kakes who sent me the best scarf ever…my grandpa Ray who passed away while I was here and I was unable to attend his funeral…I miss you so much, he is a big part of who I am…My Mom for just being there and being my Mom, my Dad for showing his concern about my safety, Andrea for coming to visit me, Bret for calling all the time, Shane for being such a good listener, John for giving me the opportunity to come out here, there are so many people that influence me that I just cant get through them all but when I get back I will shake your hand, or give you hug, and I will be so happy to see you. I am sorry for the rant and all the emotional crap…thank you for caring you mean the world to me.
Sometimes we hit walls emotionally, physically, or creatively, I may have hit one on all levels. I return to the states in six days. I am excited, and nervous. I am coming back to the states to begin my freelance career in one of the most difficult economic times the country has faced. Newspapers are laying off some amazing photographers left and right. Magazines are losing advertisers,a and cutting budgets. All I know is that I am supposed to be a photographer. When I look ahead to the future, when I get a peek over the wall what do I see? I see myself in the upcoming year unsure if I will make as much money as I made last year, but one thing is for sure…I will be producing the best, the most honest work I have ever made. That vision keeps me going, keeps me positive, keeps me climbing those walls.
We all make them at least one point in our lives some “leap” more than others. Quitting my staff job at a newspaper and making this trip to Italy may be the biggest leap of faith I have ever made. But like the cat in this photo I came up short in my “leap” crashing into the wall on the other side of the crevasse. What am I to do after I crash into the wall…falling to the floor beneath me? Just like this cat I get back up shake myself off and continue on with life. I learn from the “leap” rethink my strategy, build my strength, knowing that with every failed attempt their lies a success, knowing that my passion as a an artist and a lover of life pushes me to not give up on being what I was born to be. Yes their will be more leaps of faith in my lifetime and I will be ready for the next one and I will land successfully onto the other side.
Relationships can be fun, complicated , exciting. There are highs and lows, the good moments and the bad moments. Sometimes they last a short time while others can withstand the test of time. With so many people in the world how do we know that we have found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with? I believe regardless of how long a relationship lasts they are all important. You discover things about yourself, you discover things about your partner, and you share things, your experiences, your thoughts, and emotions.
